Are Your Words Hurting Your Loved One Who Has a Mental Illness?

What to say and what not to say

Approximately, 61.5 million Americans or 1 in 4 adults, experience a mental illness in any given year, meaning millions more are trying to figure out how to support a friend or family member.

A diagnosis of a mental illness often frightens people. They don’t know what to say or how to support the person with the disorder. One of the most important things to remember is that a person with a mental illness shouldn’t be defined by their diagnosis – he or she is still a person. Mental disorders should be treated the same as physical problems. If your mom or dad developed diabetes, would you look at them differently? Probably not, but if they get diagnosed with depression or bipolar disorder, you might.

While you may think you are being supportive, your words might actually be hurting your friend or family member instead.

•  DO let the person know that you care and that you will be there for him/her.

•  DON’T downplay what your loved one is dealing with. Telling them that there are others who have it worse or to stop focusing on the bad things isn’t helpful or supportive. In fact, it will most likely make the person feel guilty if they are struggling to manage their symptoms.

•  DO acknowledge that their disorder is real and not in their head and offer encouragement by reminding them that symptoms can improve with treatment and that you will do anything you can to help them along the way.

•  DON’T ever tell the person to snap out of it or that happiness is a choice. Any statement similar to that is very offensive because it implies that they have control over this and are choosing to have a mental disorder. Mental illness is not a choice.

•  DO tell the person that you are sorry they are in pain, but you will not abandon them. Ask if there is anything you can do to help.

•  DON’T minimize the severity of a person’s symptoms by saying something like “I get nervous sometimes too” or “everyone is sad once in a while.” Getting nervous about giving a presentation or having a bad day is not the same as an anxiety disorder or depression so don’t compare.

•  DO become familiar with the illness a person is dealing with. This would help you make your own judgments about what to say or not say.